I hate the school I go to. 

I don’t talk to anyone. I have no friends there. I sit alone the entire time I’m there.

I have no experiences because I’m afraid to make them here. I join a club but everyone knows each other and it’s too much for me. I’m just an oddball, a newbie who tries to fit in and never gets a damn chance at it.

I was supposed to go to a poetry reading last Friday, and I was really nervous but really excited too, until my brother said he needed the car and I just accepted it instead of going for the reading because I was afraid.

I want to have friends again. I want to regularly talk to people who want to see me, not just people I see in class who talk to me for five minutes and leave me alone.

I want to matter.

Instead, I’m just stuck in the same stupid rut, only seeing my friends occasionally. 

I mean, I was hanging out with this group a little bit last semester, but I just stopped because this girl in the group would just not talk to me and, like, when she left everyone left with her. So I was alone.

I’m trying my best to be friendly, but it just doesn’t matter. It happened last semester in my linguistics class too. I thought I made a friend with a girl but she just basically ignored me and talked over me and to everyone else. 

I want to have a friend through this experience.

Being 45 minutes doesn’t help me. Just… sigh.